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Barnborough
Barnborough is a small town in the North of England. It has a school, a church, and a farm. History of Barnborough ﻿ The Great Racism of 1912 In the year 1912, Barnborough Council commissioned the building of a gigantic wall around the town to "Keep out the dirty immigrants". The wall completely enclosed the town, which immediately caused logistical problems as Barnborough relied heavily on the exportation of barley at the time to a nearby brewery. Also, the wall did not stop the few immigrants who were already inside ''the town. Because the wall was made mainly out of clumps of mud held together by shoelaces (shoelaces were usless in a town with no shoes) the wall collapsed during a heavy bout of rain, which effectively put an end to the Council's policy of isolationalism. The Reciprocal Racism of 1926 By 1926, many more immigrants had moved into Barnborough (there were now six). The immigrants who had lived through the Great Racism of 1912 told the new immigrants of the short-lived atrocity, who decided to do something about it. The next day, all six immigrants walked into the Town Square and painted a large penis on the floor. It is rumoured that, at this point, one local began to join in. According to all research, it is possible that this man is a distant descendant of Connor Cassidy, but this cannot be confirmed. The Pit Of Shit Before Barnborough had any working toilets (the first plumbing was done in late 1988) a large field to the west of the town was excavated in 1905 to work as a giant cess-pit. Although the "Pit of Shit" was officially decomissioned in 1997 when dangerous levels of radiation were observed to be coming from it, the general public may stil visit it. The Wentworth Campaign The people of Barnborough have often been at odds with the citizens of the more wealthy, Conservative controlled town of Wentworth. These disagreements came to a head in 1942 when the towns supply of milk went missing (the farmers had in fact hidden it as part of a lengthy and complex practical joke which ultimately did not come to fruition). The King of Barnborough at the time, Seamus O'Pikey, declared war upon Wentworth. O'Pikey and his expiditionary forced approached the town but were confused instantly by an old woman who chased them away with a mirror that she had tied to a stick. Historic figures in recent times Lǿmase In 2010 a great example of the never created education system of Barnborough - as Barnborough has been exempt from the control the government due to worthlessness (yes even more than Hackney). He left Barnborough with enough qualifcations to enter a school called Wath Comprehensive School. On the first day he met a teacher called Asquith who introduced him and immediately made him feel at ease. He is still a pupil today. The other three pupils from Barnborough wanting to get in failed having caught the wrong bus due to eye sight issues directly related to the radioactivity of the "Pit of Shit". The pupils instead caught the bus to Newcastle where they were immediately stabbed. Features of Barnborough The School Barnborough Primary School (formerly the library, but all the books were used as toilet paper for the Pit Of Shit) was established in 1973, after several children died after failing to read the signs which said "Do not feed the paedophiles". Therefore, the School was established. Originally, the only lessons taught were Reading, Singing, Fighting, and "Coolpopping" which, according to old texts, was a sort of cross between football and bestiality. The Farm Barnborough Farm was the farm from which a field was taken to build the Pit of Shit. Another of the farm's fields provided much of the dirt used to build the wall during the Great Racism of 1912. The farm only has four animals on it, a sheep, a chicken which has no feathers and only one wing, a rather weedy duck, and Anne Widdecome. The fact that the farm lost much of it's assets during the Great Racism and because of the Pit Of Shit makes the farmers very bitter and resentful of the townsfolk. The Church The people of Barnborough are a God-fearing society. The Church was set up in 1956 when somebody left a television plugged in (to what exactly is uncertain, no record of electricity can be found in the town until early 2003). The townsfolk gathered around the television (apart from the surly farmers, of course) and immediately began to worship the Test Card. Robinson's Law Robinson's Law (so named as it was observed by former Barnborough Primary School pupil Alex Robinson) states that, "''At any time, at least one part of Barnborough must be on fire". The residents of Barnborough believe that should all the fires be extinguished, the Pit of Shit will regurgitate it's vile contents.